Moving tribute to victims of domestic violence held at Barnstaple riverside

A poignant Barnstaple tradition that has endured for 20 years continued today (Friday, November 28) as people gathered to scatter petals on the River Taw in memory of those who lost their lives to domestic violence.

The annual event at the town Square also aims to raise awareness of the domestic violence and abuse going on in communities across North Devon right now, to give hope to the victims and to encourage more people to report it and speak out against it.

The petal scattering is organised each year by members of Soroptimist International Barnstaple and District, with support from North Devon Against Domestic Abuse (NDADA).

Above and below: Petals are scattered on the River Taw. Credit: Viral PR

It is held in the same week as the start of the 16 Days of Action campaign to eradicate violence against women and girls, which began on Tuesday, November 25 on the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women and ends on December 10.

The event was attended by the Mayor of Barnstaple, Councillor Janet Coates, Soroptimists, members and supporters of NDADA and Superintendent Emma Butler-Jones, North and West Devon police commander.

Speaking to the gathered crowd before the petals were scattered on the river, Irene Hockin of Barnstaple Soroptimists highlighted the grim statistics that showed to the year ending March 2024 there were 262 domestic abuse-related deaths.

She added: “There are men and women here today who don’t recognise that they are victims of domestic abuse, some for whom it has become the norm, how they are treated has become their life.

“Can I say to you that: You don’t have to put up with being bullied, you don’t have to put up with being controlled, you don’t have to put up with being abused, either verbally, physically or through messages on your phone.”

Above: Members of Soroptimist International Barnstaple and District with the Mayor of Barnstaple, Councillor Janet Coates and mayor’s consort Gwen Thomas. Credit: Viral PR

Referring to the children of abusive relationships, Irene said they were often left insecure, feeling helpless and with low self-esteem, adding: “Believe me, I know. It might have been a long time ago, but I was that child.”

Hannah Ashford, CEO of NDADA, spoke about the charity’s 50th anniversary year this year. It provides support and advice for those suffering abuse as well as the only women’s refuge in Devon for those who have been able to flee their abusers.

But she said society had created a culture that enabled abusers, adding: “Only a small proportion of men will commit physical and sexual offenses against women and girls.

“But as a society, we often make it easier for those men that want to do what they do. We do that through silence, through excuses and through the stories we repeat and the things we choose not to challenge.”

She gave examples such as when a boy would not take no for an answer after asking a girl out, those who watch pornography which helps drive demand for human trafficking and sexual violence, sexist jokes which are allowed to pass because no one speaks out.

She said: “When a man talks proudly about taking home a drunk girl and no one challenges him, that normalises rape and puts women in danger. It sends the message that consent is flexible and that lack of capacity somehow does not count.

“These moments build the background culture which serious abuse becomes more likely. They are the soil in which violence grows. The good news is this means that we also all have power.

“The most powerful prevention work begins long before anyone needs a refuge door. It begins in the ordinary moments of our life and what we accept and what we challenge and what we model for our next generation.

“Today I'm asking for commitment to speak more honestly and to respect boundaries the first time they are set. To challenge the jokes, the comments - change will not come from services alone, it will come from all of us.”

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Above: Scattering petals on the River Taw in Barnstaple in memory of domestic violence victims are Irene Hockin of Barnstaple Soroptimists, the Mayor of Barnstaple Janet Coats and Superintendent Emma Butler-Jones, North and West Devon police commander. Credit: Viral PR

Superintendent Butler-Jones said today’s gathering was important, to see the community united in grief and remembrance but also in honour of the courage and resolve of those who had survived abuse.

She added: “Domestic abuse for me and for the teams that I lead across my sector is an absolute priority for us.

“I want to pledge a commitment to you all that we will tackle it and that we will bring offenders to justice and support those victims within our communities that are suffering.

“But we can't do this alone and we rely on you all to report to us and to take action, so please, don't be a bystander. You are all able to see what's going on in the communities and to respond to your neighbours or to people that may be suffering.

So report it to us, let us know and then we can all take action together. Because it is only together that we will absolutely fight and get to a place where hopefully one day everyone in the community can live without fear of violence or actual violence in abuse.”

Anyone suffering from domestic abuse or who knows of someone else who is trapped in an abusive situation can report abuse by calling the police on 101, or call North Devon Against Domestic Abuse on 01271 370079 or visit the website for help and advice at https://ndada.co.uk.